Olivia Fowler

On The Way

By Olivia Fowler

I think it could be helpful if public meetings had soundtracks as the movies do. Before you dismiss this as a crazy idea, give it some thought.

What if each board and commission in the county had its own theme song? And what if there was a musical score to give the audience clues as to what was actually taking place.

It would save so much time. For example, prior to votes about budget cuts or tax increases, the soundtrack from Jaws could be played.

It would certainly be appropriate. The dread, fear and mounting tension of the music would prepare the audience for the worst.

The “one issue” board members, those who come to life only when specific concerns come up for debate, could declare their views accompanied by that old favorite, Three Blind Mice. If a debate developed during the discussion, those who disagreed but didn’t want to go on record as opposing the first group could stand and counter with a little known version of Row Row Row Your Boat.

It would go something like this:

Group One —

“Three blind mice, three blind mice,

See how they run, see how they run.”

Group Two —

“Row, row row your boat,

Gently down the stream.

You’re never going anywhere,

But hold on to your dream.”

Group One —

“We’ll never stop playing our drum and fife,

And pledge to continue in stress and strife,

Until our opponents depart this life,

Three blind mice.”

The chair could then stand and say, “send this matter to the committee for study. We’ll review it later.”

And so, instead of hearing the same tired old points belabored, the music could communicate exactly what is happening.

Those who want to work cooperatively with others who don’t share their viewpoints could also have musical accompaniment. I suggest Climb every Mountain.

“Climb every mountain,

Search high and low,

Follow every highway,

Every path you know.

Climb every mountain,

Ford every stream,

Follow every rainbow,

‘Till you find your dream.”

In that instance, any of the high school choral groups could simply sing, in perfect harmony of course, as a replacement for actual debate.

If attempted discussion lasted too long, say more than three minutes, the chorus could skip to the end and drown them out with the last verse.

Immediately after the chair recognizes a member, the chorus could break into song.

Just before board members file in to take their seats, one of the school bands could play the theme from Superman. This would show some respect for the mission.

After members are seated and the meeting is called to order, the band could tune up softly in the background. Then maybe, near the beginning when old business is addressed, the old Sam Cooke hit from the sixties, “Chain Gang,” would be appropriate.

“That’s the sound of the men,

Working on the chain, ga-ang

That’s the sound of the men,

Working on the chain, gang

Can’t you hear them singing, mmm (Hoh! Ah!)

I’m going home one of these days

I’m going home, see my woman

Whom I love so dear

But meanwhile I gotta work right here”

And to insure public attendance, fried chicken should be served halfway through all meetings, because hungry people have a hard time agreeing on anything.

Ben Robinson

All About Ben

By Ben Robinson

I had a bit of a crisis this weekend. Somehow my car keys were not in my jacket pocket.

I ran my route Wednesday, driving all over Pickens County. I was off work Thursday, and quite honestly, glad of it. I did not make my weekly trip over to my friend Tim’s house, choosing to stay home and watch television instead. Friday I got up, showered, and got ready for work. I stumbled out to my car, checked my pockets, but found no keys.

I decided the keys were inside the house, though I had no memory of bringing the keys inside with me. A quick search of my bedroom and the area where I sit to watch television