Preamble — When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the culinary bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and preeminent station to which the Laws of BBQ and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to declare South Carolina’s BBQ Supremacy.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all BBQ is not created equal, that South Carolina BBQ is endowed by the Creator with certain unalienable Rights and Qualities, and that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of BBQ Perfection.

That to secure this exalted position, The S.C. Barbeque Association was instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the BBQ Eaters and Judges. That whenever any form of challenge to South Carolina’s BBQ Supremacy becomes destructive of the ends of honesty and good eating, it is the Right of the BBQ-eating People of South Carolina to alter or to abolish our relationship with other BBQ pretenders, and to institute a new Declaration of South Carolina BBQ Supremacy thus laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affirm and maintain this South Carolina BBQ Supremacy.

To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

Whereas, “A History of South Carolina Barbeque” by Lake E. High, Jr.(aka the BBQ Bible) is recognized by all rational, literate and discerning people as the one true, accurate, comprehensive and undisputed history of the origins of BBQ in South Carolina, America and the world, and

Whereas, said BBQ Bible has been established as a true, verifiable and documented historical fact that BBQ is a ‘gift of two civilizations’ with the native Indians providing the method of cooking meats slowly to endure tenderness combined with the pigs introduced in the New World by the Spanish, as the first, true and only method of cooking BBQ, and

Whereas, this method of cooking by native Indians was clearly, graphically and indubitably established by the drawings made by contemporary artist Jacques le Moyne in the 1500s, and

Whereas, the first Spanish colony to combine this indigenous Indian cooking method with imported pigs was at Santa Elena settlement in what is now Parris Island, South Carolina, in 1566 the then capital of Spanish Florida proclaimed by Pedro Menéndez de Avilés, the first governor of Spanish Florida, and

Whereas, all BBQ pretenders who would falsely claim that there is such a thing as BBQ beef, chicken, goat, rabbit, alligator, lamb, turkey, possum or any other four or two legged creature that trod the earth or swim in the seas are guilty of the crime of BBQ Blasphemy as their spreading of falsehoods as to the origins and definition of BBQ is by its very nature false as it has been established that all true and authentic BBQ is and always will be ipso facto pork, and

Whereas, over the centuries of BBQ preparation in South Carolina, the chefs of the state have established the culinary hierarchy and traditions of BBQ sauces, basting and preparation to include in order of historic emergence to be vinegar and pepper, mustard, light tomato and heavy tomato, and

Whereas, since the origination of BBQ, the People of South Carolina have continued the improvement, expansion and promotion of BBQ such that today there are over 250 fine establishments in the state serving authentic BBQ and these said fine establishments are recognized and sanctioned by the State of South Carolina by inclusion on the Official BBQ Trail and Map, and

Whereas, the state of South Carolina has a diverse and vibrant culture of Competitive BBQ Cooking with dozens of official events and over 150 cooking teams that are officially sanctioned and presided over by Official Certified SC BBQ Judges as deemed trained and qualified by the S.C. Barbeque Association, therefore,

We the People of South Carolina, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name of and by Authority of the good People of the near Sovereign State of South Carolina solemnly publish and declare, That the State of South Carolina is, and of Right ought to be hereby Declared The One and Only True BBQ Capital of the World and that all intending and competing claims by any locale or collections of such are hereby deemed to be false, deceitful, untrue, erroneous, fanciful, fraudulent, fictitious, unfounded, specious, spurious, invalid, inaccurate, misleading and untrue.

And in support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Proclaimed, this the eighth day of August in the year of our Lord of two thousand and sixteen on behalf of and in the name of any and all South Carolinians, living, dead and unborn who have or will ever cook, eat or in any way partaken of said BBQ, regardless of sauce, from the Time of Origins in 1566 on St. Elena Island until today, and for future generations of South Carolinian’s to come, ad infinitum.

Phil Noble is a businessman in Charleston and a proud member of the S.C. Barbeque Association. His columns are distributed weekly by the S.C. Press Association. He can be reached at phil@philnoble.com.