Nicole Daughhetee

Life As I Know It

by Nicole Daughhetee

One year ago I would have never imagined the following words pouring forth from my heart or my mind. As with everything else in my life, I write about those things that I feel passionate and, quite frankly, God was not one of those things.

I’ve experienced some profound changes in my life this last year. My husband and I separated, and though I know it has been for the best, the reality of it was not any less painful for me or my daughters. I’ve had my heart broken in more ways than I ever imagined. Every month I struggle to pay my bills and provide for the most important people in my life in the ways I was once able. In a matter of weeks I will lose my health insurance and have yet to find a way to provide the necessary benefits I so desperately need.

At any other time in my life, I would have been overwhelmed with the depression that has haunted me my entire life. Overcome with dreadful anxiety and panic. However, despite obstacles I have and continue to encounter, I have and continue to be making it.

I have my days when I cry from the time I wake up in the morning until mid-afternoon sometimes. There are moments when I am overwhelmed by frustration, uncertainty and a hollow ache so deep in the pit of my stomach that I wouldn’t wish the feeling on my worst enemy.

The difference between my life today and my life a year ago is simple: I found a faith in God unlike anything I have ever known. Thanks to my mom and my grandparents, I grew up in church and accepted Christ as a teenager; but I never had a relationship with God as genuine or fulfilling as the one I know now.

I believe, without a shadow of doubt, that the Lord knows my needs and those of my daughters and mom, and somehow, some way, He always makes certain that those needs are met.

Like everyone else I face uncertainty and sadness, but I do so with absolute confidence that God has a plan for my life, and while I might not know all the details before they unfold, I know without a doubt that they are infinitely grander than anything I could mastermind on my own.

There are times when I don’t understand why things happen, and I most certainly do not like the path I walk, but I believe there is a reason for everything and that what the Lord brings me to, He will also lead me through; He will walk before me, behind me and beside me — holding my hand the entire way.

My words seem so inadequate to describe the intense peace and comfort I feel, even when so many things in my life demand a stressed-out response. I’m not perfect. As I said, there are moments when I feel like throwing in the towel, but these moments pass when I pray and I find the courage to carry on.

I am in no way critical or judgmental of those who do not have a relationship with God or the type of relationship I have found. I can only speak for myself, my own experiences and what I know to be true: I would not be where I am today if it were not for the unconditional, ever-present love of God. I would not be “making it.”

For these amazing blessings, I could not be more thankful.